Thursday, September 8, 2011


Me and Ethan, circa 2007. 

It's amazing, how time flies as you get older.

When I was young, a day seemed like forever and summer vacations were an eternity.  Now, I look back at a year or two and wonder where in the world did the time go, especially when I look at Ethan.  My God, how he's grown, especially in the last year.  I mean, he's got underarm hair, for crying out loud!

I'm sorry, is that too much information?

Ethan has always been such an amazing kid.  When he was little, he loved dressing up, and quoting scenes from Lord of the Rings.  We'd spend hours playing with his "castle guys" - a mix of Playmobil and other little medieval characters.  When he was really small, he'd beg me to tell him a story every night, always about a hero and his horse.  I told this same story every night for so many months, I had it memorized.  This later moved to story books that I'd read, then slowly he began to read to me.  Then he'd ask me to sing this song from the movie "The Prince of Egypt". 

When we lived in New Jersey, we'd walk through the forests around our apartment, pretending to be heroes on a quest.  I'd hide from him and he'd try to find me.  I remember Ethan always using a British accent when we'd play these pretend games.  Why is it that everything seems cooler in a British accent?  He used to write me songs on this tiny piano Mom and Dad bought for him.  Songs about dinosaurs and Mommy and Daddy...

And now, he's 12, and a junior high school student.  His castle toys have been replaced with model airplanes, and his tiny piano with an electric guitar.  He prefers more time alone now, even putting a "Do Not Disturb" sign on his door.  I feel him pulling away from me, becoming more independent.  Kisses at night are becoming less frequent, and hugs are reserved for the times when no one is looking. 

Where did my little boy go?

I'm so proud of the young man Ethan is turning out to be, and watching him grow has been a joy.  But I didn't ever dream how difficult this transition was going to be.  I've been so used to him depending on me for everything, and I devoted so much of myself to his care.  Now that he's older, and our relationship is changing, it's been hard for me to no longer see him as that little boy who loved dinosaurs and cowboys.  I have to let him grow, to let him discover things on his own, to stand up for himself.

But whenever he needs me, I'll be here, waiting.

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