Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The Future

This is me thinking about the future. Or something. Honestly I don't know what I'm doing here.

This past year and a half that we've lived in Japan has been such an incredible experience.  I never ever thought I'd live outside of the United States, much less Japan.  And yet here we are, deciding to spend yet another year in this country.  Honestly, it was an easy decision: we love where we are and what we do.  We're in a really good place right now, so why would we want to leave that?  Japan hasn't grown old to me yet, and there's still so much to encounter and discover.  But through all this excitement, there's this lingering thought always in the back of my mind -

What am I going to do when we leave here?

This one sentence encompasses the following: Where are we going to live?  Should I go back into teaching?  What is Nathan going to do?  How are we going to pay all our student loans?  What if there aren't any jobs available back home?

Granted, I don't dwell on these thoughts everyday.  These problems are still quite far away, but nevertheless, they will eventually have to be answered.

I'm not even sure I want to teach when I go back to America.  Being a theater teacher is a lot of long hours and hard work, and as rewarding as it was to direct plays, I'm just not sure I'm feeling the creativity for it anymore.  It doesn't help that all the news I hear from back home makes it seem as if there are no teaching jobs available (and theater teaching jobs are pretty few aand far between all ready).  What if the only jobs waiting for me are retail or food service?  I was terrible at retail because I hate handling money (my cash drawer was always short), and I've never worked as a waitress.

Plus, I'm 31 years old, and there's always this (nagging) part of me that tells me that I should have this sorted out by now.  That I should already have the steady career, the house and mortgage, a couple kids and a retirement fund.

And then I tell that nagging part of myself to be quiet.  Because the fact is, I  - we - chose this path.  I can't do anything about the past, and it's pointless to worry about the future to the extent that you don't appreciate the present. And when it gets to the point that I have to answer those tough questions, I know I'll have the strength to figure it out.

Even if it is a little scary.

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