Sunday, May 6, 2012

The skin I'm in

I hope it's ok if I get a little personal tonight.  

I wouldn't call myself a perfectionist, but I've always struggled with feeling not quite good enough.  I have no idea where these thoughts come from, since my parents were always so loving and supportive of me.  I guess it's something all human beings struggle with.  Throughout the years, I've been able to fight off these feelings fairly well, with the wonderful support of my family.  But lately (just the past few weeks actually), I've been overwhelmed with these feelings of depression - that I'm not a good enough mom/wife, that I'm not pretty enough, Thoughts like, "Hey, you're almost 32, and what have you done with your life?"  I'd look at myself in the mirror and hate what I saw.  Work helps a lot, because I have to be super genki and energetic, but then I come home and just feel so sad.  

The other day, one of co-workers told me that I'm always such a positive person, and that meant so much to me.  I hope that I'm a positive influence in other people's lives.  I like making the people around me happy, and I always try to look at the bright side of things.  But I am only human after all, and what goes up, inevitably goes down, I guess.  I just don't want my downs to be so far down!

I suppose, what it all comes down to is that I am enough just as I am.  I am a good ALT.  I am a good mom.  I am a good wife.  I am pretty.  I'll never reach that ideal I've set in my mind, but that doesn't mean that I can't accept myself for who I am now.  I'm growing.  I'm changing.  You haven't seen the complete me yet!

In other words:

1 comment:

  1. Sarah. I don't know how to sound ridiculous here, but I think that you should know that I think you are an amazing person. Sure, we haven't talked in years, but I certainly remember spending time with you and Nathan and I cherish times like those!

    As for depression, well, I can definitely relate. I'm coming out of my yearly winter depression, and as much as I wish I could fight it off, or ignore it, it always seems to come creeping back around December.

    Please know that you are an amazing person and I for one (and I'm certain that I'm not alone here) am a better person for having known you, however many years removed.