My friends would argue that I'm not old, and that I don't even look like I'm in my 30's (what lovely, lovely friends I have), but I can see the gray hair mixing in with my light brown hair, and the slight wrinkles that are beginning to form around my eyes. Oh yeah, and having a 14 year old son kinda puts my age into perspective as well.
But aging is more than just physical changes. I guess when I was in my 20's, I thought I'd have my life all figured out by the time I was in my 30's. Nathan and I would have some kind of steady work, a mortgage, and be living in some suburbs. You know, typical life stuff. Instead, we're living in Japan and have jobs that can only last so long. Then we have to return to America and figure out what we want to do all over again.
The fact is, I have no idea what I really want to do with the rest of my life. Shouldn't I already know these things? All I know if that the things I thought would make me happy in my 20's are not really the things I want now. If I could, I'd travel around the world for the rest of my days, meeting new people and having new experiences. But bills back home need to be paid. And I want to see my family more. And oh yeah, I wanna have another baby some time.
Worrying about this stuff comes in waves, so in between those times I like to distract myself - going out with friends, practicing and singing with Takuya, playing my ukulele, date nights with Nathan. These little things keep me sane when I could easily freak out about the future.
But I can say this: a few years ago, I used to worry about every little thing all the time. Change was really hard for me to accept. Now, I'm no longer so scared of change. I guess that's what a move around the world will do for you. And these last three years in Japan (we came here when I was 30) have been some of the best life-changing experiences I've had.
Maybe my 30's won't be so bad after all...